First of all what does it mean to make it? Making it is different for everyone. For me making it meant not going back home to live with my mother once I found out at the age of 19 that I was pregnant with my son. It meant staying in college and graduating while also caring for my son independently with my family an hour and a half away and his dad 45mins away. It meant raising a healthy child and getting him through high school and into college (he is in his 2nd year of college). It meant doing it on my own with little child support each month. I became the first and lowest paid baby mama of the bunch, sometimes receiving nothing. Ha! If you are a single mother I know that I am preaching to the choir for some as you know the struggle. It meant getting a welfare check and Medicaid while I was a full time student, with two jobs, and volunteering to keep child care for him. At that time my volunteer and work hours had to be atleast 20 hours a week on top of me going to school or I would have no childcare. Never in a million years did I think I would have public assistance as I never had it growing up. Oh yeah, I had food stamps too and it was divine! Do not let anyone tell you that it is not hard as hell because it is. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can not do it because you can. There will be nights that you will cry yourself to sleep and days that you will cry and still have to keep it together for the sake of your child and your household.
Here are 3 Things That Helped Me Not Go Totally Bat Shit Crazy
1. Faith- I am certain that my belief and faith in God is what kept me from going all the way crazy because honestly, I went moderately crazy. I am sure I had depression and anxiety but never went to see a professional. Pray whenever you can. Talk to other people that keep you encouraged. Now that I am a professional mental health counselor I will say, seek help! It is out there. There is a saying thatgoes, "If God will bring you to it, God will bring you through it." (check the link in my bio to schedule an appointment for coaching or counseling).
2. A Tribe- Having good friends in college was really my saving grace. They did not exclude me and treated my son like their nephew. My mother and older brother helped me out tremendously after I graduated college and moved to NC where they resided to be closer. Because of them I was able to go back for my Master’s in Counseling- driving 2 hours every other weekend for class. Allow people to help you. Ask for assistance when you need it. I wish that I would have asked for help more and continued asking until someone heard my cry, but I didn't and I know that there are so many of us out there.
3. Belief In Self- You can not give up on that person you always knew that you would be. Sure, babies change the course and timing of things, sometimes, but they do not stop it. You do. If you decide to stop and focus soley on your child that is great too. Believe in your decisions and dreams and use that to be the best mother that you can be. Everyone’s goals are different. Academia was always a goal of mine as that is how I was reared. When I got pregnant with my son it was a no brainer that I would remain in college and graduate. Don't let anyone tell you what you can not do. As long as you are not harming your child you need not listen to anyone that tries to kill your dreams. Maintain that push to succeed, to live and to love. When you fall off remember that girl that always got back up and made it happen.
How do you keep it together? Have you made it? What does making it look like to you? Tell me about your experience.